I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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