I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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