Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
