We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
last night I used snow as a chaser
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
