the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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