dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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