i wish starbucks made bloody marys
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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