I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
