Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
