i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize