It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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