oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
