i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
