I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
