drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
