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And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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