I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
