she smelled like a LAN party
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He passed out mid-signature
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize