420 ftw
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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