I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize