So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
