K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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