he shaved USA in his pubs
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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