Have you finally orgasmed yet?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize