so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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