It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
