Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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