You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
