I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
