This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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