Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
