I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
