can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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