I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
