God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
