I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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