I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
