I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
