He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
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