I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
