I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize