if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Hippo gnu deer
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
