i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
