3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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