summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
