you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
