Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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