Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
