I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
