you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
