real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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