I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
There r osticjed everywhere
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
