im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Randomize
