i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize