What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
