Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
