my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
This toilet bowl is my home.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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