Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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