Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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