Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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