The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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