It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
