She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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