i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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