He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
