She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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