i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
